Gratitude

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. ~ Frederick Koenig

Attitude of Gratitude

Praise the bridge that carried you over. ~George Colnan

I Voted! Where's My Cookie?

I mailed my ballot in a week ago. I can tell you that was the easiest part of the process. I studied the voters' pamphlet and for each decision, I felt like I was just picking the lesser of two evils.

In spite of the mud-slinging circus elections have become, I am thankful for the right to vote and the systems in place to make it an accessible and unencumbered process for me. I know that is not the case in many countries and even some U.S. states. I'm proud to vote in the first state in the 20th century and the fifth state in the Union to enact women’s suffrage.

Washington State celebrates the centennial of women's suffrage this month. Check out http://www.washingtonwomenshistory.org/events/centennial.aspx for more information.

Thanksgiving Begins Today

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. --John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Today, I'm thankful for this guy right here. Every day I realize more and more how important he is to me and how much he means to me. I have trouble putting into words why, without dredging up some unpleasantness, but it's because of the rough patches we've weathered, that makes me grateful for his presence in my life. A presence that steadies me and comforts me.

A year ago, we hit our lowest point in our marriage. We both made mistakes, poor decisions and reacted badly to perceived wrongs. We broke each other's hearts with irrational arguments, angry, raised voices, harsh words, that lead to disengagement, and withdrawal. I was ready to call it quits. I was tired. 

But he refused to give up. He believed in us. Still believes in us, even when he knows I don't have the same resolve. He's helping me find that resolve again. Every time he makes me laugh. Every time he puts my needs first. Every time he gives me space. Every time he appreciates the things I do. Every time he thinks twice and reacts in a way I am still not accustomed to. Simple things to most, maybe, but huge in my eyes.

A year later, our marriage is far from perfect. I know there's no such thing. Couples can only strive for a strong marriage. If you had asked me earlier this year how much faith I had in us working things out, I would have said, "Not much, really." But as the year comes to a close, I can see more and more how much he's tried. How much he's changed.  When I need it, he gives me space. Sometimes he knows before I do that I need my me time. And though he knows why my heart remains heavy, he's the one who wipes my tears and holds me close. He exercises greater patience and just like when he first won me over, has just been there. So I've been asking myself more and more lately what's stopping me from trusting that this could work?

Maybe this is totally unrelated, but I recently clicked on "A Message from God" app on Facebook, something I rarely do. But on the rare occasions I do, the message is eerily fitting. On Friday, October 29, apparently God wanted to me to know:

... that decision is only wishful thinking until you take that first irreversible step. You can tell yourself that you have already decided, that nothing now can stop you, but if that step backwards is so much safer than step forwards, what will hold you true to your path when the going gets tough? Sometimes, the right thing to do is to take that first irreversible step, the one after which you cannot go back. And now, for you, is one of those times. 

I Don't Understand. I Really Don't.

I was just bragging to a friend the other day about how well I've handled October this year. Every October, since 2005, I have struggled to get through this month, wishing away any gloom that threatened to overshadow the vibrant colors of my otherwise favorite time of year. This past October 8 was the 5th anniversary of my miscarriage and I felt like I was finally, just finally, working my way towards a healthier outlook on life. I felt more positive, I felt more at peace. I kept busy, focusing on my blessings and enjoying my haves rather than dwelling on my have-nots.

Then I read this story this morning.

Hoquiam man accused of assaulting baby - Crime Reports - The Olympian - Olympia, Washington

The baby was only 5 months old, and for some reason this man thought nothing about picking her up by her neck. A grown man. Her father. I remember taking a deep breath and willing myself to remain calm, but my heart just started pounding and I felt myself start shaking. I was at work, reading the news on my phone. I had to put my phone down and run to the rest room, I thought I was going to be sick. But I was able to talk myself through it and calm down. I left my phone alone the rest of the day and concentrated on work.

When I got home, I finally checked my phone again out of habit. I checked on my friends and family on Facebook, then checked my KOMO News app for the latest headlines. This story caught my eye:

Baby killed after interrupting mom's Facebook time

A young mom got so angry at her  baby for crying while she played Farmville on Facebook, shook the baby hard. Twice. The second time AFTER having a smoke and "composing" herself. 

For the second time today I felt my blood pressure spike.  There was a roar in my ears and angry curse words rolled off my tongue. I have never felt such anger, disgust and venom towards a stranger before in my life. I'm pretty sure if I this woman had been in front of me she would have been a lifeless heap within seconds. The rage I felt  was overwhelming and gave way to tears and sobs.  I let my guard down and was soon awash in despair and helplessness. 

I don't understand. I really don't understand anymore. How are these people allowed to procreate? Why do they get blessed by the privilege of bringing a life into this crazy world? Why? Why them? How do they not even realize how lucky they are? They were entrusted with life's most precious gift and had no regard whatsoever for that honor. I am so tired of the unfairness of it all. I don't even have the energy any more to shake my fists at the sky, literally or figuratively. 

And so I don't escape this October unscathed. I had my annual meltdown. Gareth tried to comfort me the best he could, but I'm sure he still feels the pain as keenly as I do. It's just easier to escape into video games and movies. Me? I had my baking tonight to focus on. I'll try to find something else to focus on for the rest of this month. Thank goodness there are only 3 days left in it. 

Yes, things like these make me question my faith. Yes, things like these make me angry at God. There, I admit it. But still I pray for the baby in Hoquiam. I pray for the soul of the baby who died in Florida. I still pray for the one I lost 5 years ago. I pray the children out there who deserve so much better and I pray for the women and men who desperately want to be parents.  I pray for me. I pray for Gareth.

Maybe one day my prayers will be answered. 

Maybe one day I'll understand. 

Child of the Moon

Born under the cancer sign, I am a moonchild. My moods seem to be governed by the moon phases, for when I see a full moon, that is when I feel my most content and happy. A new moon, one I cannot see, seems to coincide with the days I feel my most restless and out of sorts.

I've never been one to follow astrology and horoscopes, but when I read descriptions of my sign, they rarely miss the mark. I'm a big fan of relaxation and satisfaction. I am emotional and I'm my happiest when my surroundings are comfortable, and my bitchiest when my environment isn't to my liking. I'm strongly attracted to water and find peace and spiritual recharge when I am within sight of large bodies of water.

Though I'm reluctant to admit it, my mood swings can be extreme. Nothing thrills me more than sweet words and nothing cuts deeper than unkind words. My family is of the utmost importance to me and while I'm friendly, I do not make friends easily. But when I do welcome someone into my world, they become a permanent part of my world.

The connection between my mood and moon phases was probably apparent to everyone (who knows well) but me. I can be kind of oblivious that way. I prefer carefree, but that's not quite accurate. I guess selectively ignorant is probably the better term. I'm sure the correlation will be stronger now that I'm looking for it. So, according to this month's calendar, you and I will like me best around the 21st through the 24th.

Confidential to those who would die for that

It took me awhile to work up the nerve to watch this video. I've been going through a terrible funk because we're just about at the end of the road in our quest to get pregnant. Unless we win the lotto or something. Yesterday I had my biggest meltdown after learning two of my coworkers were pregnant. I was thrilled for one especially, knowing how much she'd gone through to make her dream come true. We saw the same specialist and gave each other updates on our progress. I held steady until I got into the car after work and Gareth asked me how my day was. I just burst into tears and couldn't stop crying the whole hour long commute home. Had a longer, louder cry at home, but it hasn't totally left my system yet.

So, to my friends in the same boat, I'm there with you. I am incredibly emotional. I cry at the drop of the hat. I am irrationally angry. I battle every day with feelings of resentment and hopelessness. I am completely frustrated and so very confused. This nearly 5 year journey has taken a toll on me mentally, physically and emotionally. At this point our options are limited to the very invasive procedures or adopting. Both are equally expensive, so they're not even really options for us.

So...yeah. I'm a mess. My poor husband doesn't know how to deal with me anymore. It's to the point where I sometimes can't even decide if I'm with him because I love him or because I still need him to father a child with me. Does that even make sense? All I know now is I need professional help mentally. I can't keep going around depressed and moody and resentful. I keep reminding myself to be grateful for what I do have and make peace with what I can't have. But man it's hard.

Thanks to my friends, those I know "in real life" and those I may never meet out there in the world wide web of infertility, for reaching out and sharing your pain with me. I have very few friends who can empathize much less actually relate. It's hard to explain to girlfriends who are mothers what it's like to feel incomplete & unfulfilled. This video spoke to me on several different levels. I'll pray for peace, acceptance & strength for all of us.

Afraid

I've been afraid to write for a while. Maybe because I'm afraid of where my thoughts will lead. But if we are what we repeatedly do, I'm not a writer, because I've been avoiding it like the plague. No one wants to face their demons, but I think I'm getting close to facing mine. I'm wound just a little bit too tight these days and yet I feel more than slightly unhinged. Does that make sense?

I'm not sleeping well, I'm not eating right. I'd rather hole up in my room and shut the world out. Depressed? Most likely. Despondent? Definitely. Lost? Yeah. Uncertain? Yep. When I'm stressed, I'm like the crab that represents my astrological sign. I curl into myself and hope my shell protects me.

But if you ask me what's wrong, I couldn't tell you. Sometimes I feel like I've been singing the same song every day for the past 5 years. No one wants to hear it anymore. Even I'm sick of it. And yet, there's daily brilliance and happiness that dot my days. So much hope for the future. So much potential to embrace. Change is afoot and I usually find change exciting. I just wish more of it could break through my shell.

“Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong- sometimes it's letting go.”

2009 Genevieve's Choice Awards

1) DRINKING BUDDIES OF THE YEAR -
My BFFs Ruth, Aileen & Yvonne, plus my cousin Joseph. Even though the one who really drank was Joseph. We just enjoyed plying him with alcohol and posing for pictures with bottles of alcohol in our hands.

2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest friends) -
My BFFs since high school are Ruth, Aileen & Yvonne, so they'll always win this award every year. I suppose I should rename this category "Honorary GRAY Member" which this year would go to my cousin Joseph.

3) NEWCOMER AWARD (newest friends) -
I have to say that 2009 was easier to handle with the help of my coworkers Christine G., Malia & Rajeana. As much as I appreciate where I work, without these partners in crime, my days at work would be simply long & arduous.

4) HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
Ending it on a high point.

5) LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
Almost ending it on a low point.

6) BEST HOLIDAY IN 2009?
New Year's Eve. It was a simple family affair at my parents', but I got to witness my nephews, Gareth and Yvonne dancing to Rayman's Raving Rabbid.

7) YOUR SONG FOR 2009
Ugh. I have to pick just one? I listened to a lot of Sara Bareilles this year, but the song with lyrics that resonated at the end of this year is Kelly Clarkson's "Already Gone." But if it's just pure, unadulterated fun? BEP's "Boom Boom Pow", Shakira's "She Wolf", Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" and Ke$ha's "Tik Tok." LoL..

8) MOVIE FOR 2009?
The one I looked forward to the most? Harry Potter. The one that made me cry? UP. The most visually pleasing? Avatar.

9) WHAT DID YOU DO ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Got together with my BFFs and then had a birthday breakfast with Gareth, my parents, Auntie Gay & Uncle Ben, Kuya, Yvonne & my nephews.

10) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES WITH?
My husband. Oh, and my mother-in-law..LoL. We went to Moclips Ocean Crest Resort. Beautiful & relaxing, even with the snow and crashing wave 100 feet below our room.

11) BEST RELATIONSHIP?
I reconnected with some old friends this year, and to be able to pick up where we'd left off has been truly gratifying.

12) WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN?
Me. I don't dress up for Halloween.

13) RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR?
Any good Thai restaurant works for me, but Thai Bistro is the closest & has such a relaxing ambiance.

14) BOOK OF THE YEAR?
Wow. Can't think of one that stood out this year. I really did not read many new books this year. Sad.

15) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
To rid my life of unhealthy distractions and focus on only the good.

16) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR 2010?
Travel a little more. Write a little more. Make date nights really count. Work on the house.

17) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK..
I get enough stupid ideas without drinking. If I did get drunk, the stupidest idea would be to drive. Second would be to text someone. Have you not seen TextFromLastNight.com?

18) TV SHOW OF THE YEAR?
I still love The Office, and enjoy what I call the "surrounding" shows: Parks & Rec, Community, 30 Rock. I just started Netflixing "How I Met Your Mother" before the end of the year and I really like it. But my guilty pleasure is still SYTYCD.

19) MOST LOYAL FRIEND?
Gareth tops my list, as well as my brothers. As far as non-relatives, my BFFs...even though technically two of them are related by marriage.

20) BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR!
My cell phone number. I've had that number for a long time. But with the new year comes new beginnings.

21) BIGGEST RETARD AWARD?
Kanye West.

22) NEW YEAR RESOLUTION?
As always, to take better care of myself and appreciate my loved ones more.

Paradise Remembered

As I sit here shivering, on a frigidly cold January evening, I longingly recall this beautiful island I had the pleasure of visiting last fall. Crystal blue waters, brilliant under the hot sun. Palm trees swaying under a cloudless sky. Gentle waves lapping across white sand beaches. Hibiscus fluttering in the warm breeze. Sound like paradise to you? Well, maybe because it is. Paradise Island, that is.

Some 60 miles off the coast of South Florida, Paradise Island is one of the 700 islands that make up the Bahamas, and one of 30 of which have permanent residents. And on this perfect little island you’ll find Atlantis. No, not the legendary lost continent of an ancient civilization. But probably as close to it as you can get in this modern age. With a few modifications, of course. Like a casino, a waterpark and a resort.

When our cruise ship, the Disney Wonder, docked at Nassau, I asked the excursions desk what was the fastest way to get to Paradise Island. I was told a water taxi would be the fastest. While this is technically correct once the water taxi actually moves, what I learned was a water taxi is essentially a small passenger boat that needs to be full before it makes the 10 minute journey to the island. After waiting an hour, we were finally on our way. Treated to entertaining tidbits of information by a captain who looked a lot like Chris Tucker with dreadlocks and a Bahamian lilt, we learned some of the vacation home owners of Paradise Island were Mick Jagger and Nicolas Cage, and that the house between their two properties was for sale for a mere 25 million dollars.

Once on Paradise Island, we enjoyed a 10 minute walk that took us past a few enterprising vendors and into Marina Village a small shopping plaza that houses high-end boutiques. When we spotted luxurious yachts, we knew our destination was near.


Atlantis, Paradise Island is the flagship resort of Kerzner International, an international developer and operator of destination resorts, casinos and luxury hotels. This unique, ocean-themed destination features a variety of accommodations, all built around a 97-acre waterscape comprised of over 20 million gallons of fresh and saltwater lagoons, pools and habitats.

Atlantis is a breathtaking resort from a distance. Up close it’s even more fascinating. Upon entering the hotel, we were greeted by a towering display of hand-blown glass crystals soaring over 20 feet in the air. The Crystal Gate is one of four Dale Chihuly creations that Sol Kerzner commissioned for the resort. As we made our way to the Royal Tower where we were to meet our guide, I tried to take in as much of the lavish surroundings as I could.






I sensed more than saw the world class gaming rudiments of table games and slot machines, because my eyes were drawn to the visual extravagance of the casino. The chimes and jingles of a thousand slot machines were muted, the interplay between dealer and gamblers hushed by the airy architecture that brings the outdoors in with skylights and windows, very atypical for a casino.



I spent much of my time looking up, entranced by the brilliance of the glass scultptures atop the Temple of the Sun and Temple of the Moon and the Atlantis Chandelier, a 900-element sculpture animated by crystal sea life. Upon arriving at the extravagant lobby of the Royal Tower, we were treated to one of the most incredible collaborations of art and architecture as we admired an artist’s larger than life depiction of the legend of Atlantis that rounded the lobby.



Home to the largest open-air marine habitat in the world – second only to Mother Nature – there are over 50,000 marine animals in lagoons and displays, including The Dig, a maze of underwater corridors and passageways providing a journey through ancient Atlantis. Day visitors can purchase an educational tour as expert “navigators” guide them through the wondrous civilization recreated in impressive detail with well-preserved artifacts, hieroglyphics and partially submerged archealogical sites.

Last year, Atlantis unveiled AQUAVENTURE, a non-stop water experience consisting of thrilling new water slides, a mile-long river ride with high intensity rapids and wave surges, and never-before-seen special effects. Bobbing lazily in a float tube with nothing but blue skies above, it was easy to lose track of time and wish for the possibility of never having to leave the island. A word of warning: even the not-so-fair-skinned need to be aware of generously applying and re-applying waterproof sunscreen.

Also opened in early 2007, was the resort’s dolphin interaction and education center, Dolphin Cay, created with the goal of enlightening visitors about the wonders of these remarkable ocean inhabitants. The 14-acre habitat is one of the largest and most sophisticated of its kind. Swimming with dolphins is something everyone must do at least once in their lives. The Atlantis’ Dolphin Cay invites you to take part in the dolphins’ playful shallow water antics or experience their speed and agility first-hand in the deeper waters. You’ll meet a friendly family of dolphins, some who were rescued after Hurricane Katrina devastated their home at the Marine Life Oceanarium in Gulfport Mississippi.

The Cove Atlantis, a new 600-room resort, opened in March 2007, features oversized rooms with a step down living space, spectacular designs by acclaimed interior architects Jeffrey Beers and David Rockwell, unprecedented services and amenities, private all-adult and family pools, lavish cabanas and breathtaking views of the ocean. Atlantis is also known as the culinary destination in The Caribbean with a collection of restaurants from world-renowned chefs including Nobu Matsuhisa, Jean-Georges Vongerichten, Bobby Flay and Angelo Elia. The resort boasts an impressive collection of luxury boutiques and shops and the largest conference center, meeting and convention facilities in The Caribbean.

For its magnificence, Atlantis is very much a family destination. The savvy traveler can find a lot of excellent deals, especially in the off-season. For those who fear hurricane season, which runs from June 1 through November 30, the friendly taxi-driver who took us back to our ship (we were smarter this time, no water-taxi return ride) clued us in on the fact that Nassau is essentially surrounded by the other islands, Andros to its west, Eleuthera to its east, which take the brunt of the storms, while Nassau stays nice and dry. The lifelong resident said he’s experienced only one bad storm in his young life and essentially it was “just a lot of rain.”


As for this traveler, while I’d seen enough travel shows and read enough travel books and magazines to know I’d find breathtaking sights and delight in perfect weather on my first trip to the Bahamas, I did not know I’d find Paradise. Atlantis, Paradise Island, that is, which is definitely on my “revisit” list, sunburn and all.

Happy 40th Birthday, Gareth!

For Gareth's 40th Birthday from Gen M on Vimeo.

It was like an alien parasite

I know I've been watching too many of Gareth's sci-fi movies when I liken getting this cyst removed to removing an alien parasite from my head. But honestly, once it was done my head felt lighter. I've had this sebaceous cyst on the side of my head, behind my left ear for over a year now. It would vary in size every now and again, but it wouldn't get bigger than a single peanut. I essentially ignored it after my doctor said it wasn't anything to worry about. However, in the last week it got so swollen and painful, stretching my scalp so much it hurt to raise my eyebrows. You know for Filipinos wiggling your eyebrows is the same as saying hello, so this was a problem.

I called the dermatologist my doctor suggested. No opening until February 2009. Are you kidding me? But oh, wait I could see the physician's assistant in December! Oh, so much better, thank you. Not. So I went to Urgent Care Thursday night since I thought, hmmm this is urgent. I need care. They were worthless. So worthless, I'm going to dispute the bill for the visit. They gave me a prescription for drugs that knocked me out. Nice, thank you. But when I woke up Friday morning the lump was bigger and hurt worse than a mofo. Yet I still went to work. High as kite on these awesome painkillers, but it was my last day before my vacation started. My coworkers probably thought my vacuous smile and absentmindedness were from short-timers syndrome not some mild narcotics.

I worked on a new list of dermatologists the Urgent Care staff had given me. So they weren't completely worthless. Still, I wasn't impressed. I got an apppointment for October. Woopti-friggin-do. My head's bout to explode and they want me to wait a month?I decided that I needed to go to ER after work and I mentioned this to one of my vanpool riders. She was dropping me off at home because I was relinquishing responsibility for it for the next two weeks. I described the growing lump and the spreading pain to her. She says, "Oh, my grandmother had one of those on the back of her neck. A carbuncle cyst. I hope that's not what you have. She died from it."Wow. Nice. Thanks. Just what I needed to hear.

Anyway, in a panic now I get a hold of the doctor on call at my family practice and ask her if I should go to the ER. She said the doctor who would be in on Saturday could probably "drain it" to alleviate the pain until my appointment in October. I was desperate for anything positive at this point and grasped on to this lifeline albeit a flimsy one.

So I popped a pain pill Friday night and slept from 7p til 7a the next morning. This morning. I was not in a good mood. I was a blubbering mess, having convinced myself somehow in my sleep that I had something fatal. (Stupid carbuncle story! I mean really!?) But G calms me down, plays the solicitous husband and gets me my coffee then hands me off to his mother. I understand this. I love my husband and I know he loves me, but these kind of things make him nervous and I end up getting nervous with him, and since I was already a mess of nerves, I was glad my MIL was going with me and not G. So long story short we did a lot of waiting since I was a walk in but I finally got to see a doctor who said, "We can take care of this today." Such relief on my part I could've kissed him.

The procedure hurt like hell even with all the local anesthesia he pumped into my scalp. Actually that was the part that hurt the most. The rest was just uncomfortable pressure. He was kind enough not to shave my hair off, not even a little. However, I can't wash it for a couple days. Yuck. But it's not a bad trade-off all things considered.

I ruined G's plans today for a family outing to the Puyallup Fair with my MIL and my SILs Phee n Rhyana and my brother and nephew. Felt so bad about that. I'll make it up to them somehow. Thanks to all who asked after me and shared their concern. I'm doing well and now alien parasite free. Okay, it was a lima bean sized cyst, but it's gone for now.

Happy Birthday, Aubrey

Playing photographer for my tourists

21 Days of Gratitude: Day 16

I was challenged to list ten activities I do for fun but which may or may not be considered fun by anyone else. This was actually harder than I thought. There were the standard answers: reading & writing, but going beyond that and listing activities categorized as "for fun" as opposed to just daily things I squeeze in was actually very difficult. I would come up with something and think, "Well, I only do that during my breaks or when I'm waiting for something" or "but that's a fun thing I HAVE to do..it's not really just for fun." I realized there were some activities that would be just for fun for me, but I don't make time for. Hmmm...gonna have to do something 'bout that.

1. Writing
I haven't had a chance to blog much lately, but I keep a journal in my purse and jot down things as they come to me. I have my 21 Days of Gratitude complete, actually, but I just haven't typed them up and posted them to my blog. I plan to transcribe and post them over the nest few days. I've decided to continue beyond the 21 days as it's become a habit to review my day and appreciate the lessons, experiences and the blessings it brought. Of course my blog titles will change after Day 21, but I think most of my posts from now on will be an off-shoot of this experience.

2. Reading
I am a voracious reader. I can be picky though, and some books I find a challenge to read unless I'm in a certain mood. I'll go through periods where I can only handle the light escape of steamy romances, then there are days I'll toss those aside for substantive tomes of classic literature. However, I don't limit myself to books. The internet has become another library of sorts for me. I've spent hours on the web reading personal blogs, articles and websites learning about all kinds of things. If I'm curious about something I heard or just thought up one day, it's amazing how quickly I can immerse myself in the subject as soon as I log on to the word wide web.

3. Gardening
I'm getting my green thumb back. But this is also a for fun thing I don't make enough time for. I love flowers and herbs and watching them grow. Our flowerbeds and yard are always going to be a work in progress, I've decided. Of all my personal hobbies and favorite things to do, this is one thing I wish Gareth would appreciate and work on with me. But he did buy a gazebo that we'll eventually set up in the back yard. And when I'm studying patio and deck plans, he can see what I admire about them. So...in this regard, he is like our flowerbeds and yard. A work in progress.

4. Playing Webkinz
It's silly, but it's addictive. This exercise has taught me my "for fun" activities have to take me away for the moment and help me forget the various demands on my time. I have 11 Webkinz now...a pink dragon, a pink poodle, a cheeky monkey, a furry elephant, a google (platypus), a cow, a pig, a black bear, a Clydesdale, a raccoon and a koala. Don't know what I'm talking about? Look it up on the web. :) www.webkinz.com.

5. Screening movies with Gareth
I don't get to do this as often as I used to when I worked closer to home. Screeners are usually on a weekday evening, and continuing up another half hour to Seattle when it takes me an hour just to get home isn't inviting. It almost becomes more work. But it's time with Gareth alone that can become the date night all married couples need at least once a week.

6. Traveling with Gareth
For the most part, a lot of our traveling is work for Gareth whether it's a speaking engagement at a convention or a review of a hotel or attraction. But it's a mini-vacay for me and when it gives me time and/or reason to indulge in my "for fun" activities, it's quite a bonus.

7. Studying & practicing calligraphy
Gareth, Trista and Mum indulged me one Christmas and bought me calligraphy sets and books. I keep my books at work and on my breaks I study and practice and think up designs I'd like to create. Maybe I'll put the practice to good use one day and actually create the designs I've thought up.

8. Loading up on music
Life without music is just not right. I enjoy exploring new artists and overdosing on my faves. Again, I need to make time to do this more, but with my Zune, my Myspace Playlist, my new cell phone, it's been getting easier.

9. Playing photographer
This is a sore subject with Gareth right now as I was clumsy with my birthday gift from last year. He bought me a Nikon that I accidently dropped last Christmas and I haven't made any effort to get it fixed or replaced. On our way to Oregon one time to review a hotel, he gave me a hard time about not taking care of the expensive things he gives me and said he didn't know if he could trust me with another camera. Of course, I was royally pissed and gave him the silent treatment. But when we got to the hotel room and I opened the honor bar, I saw a disposable digital camera and picked it up with, "Oooh...look what they stocked the bar wi--" and proceeded to drop it. Gareth could only shake his head as I cracked up and picked up the camera and carefully put it back where I found it.

10. Conceptualizing digital scrapbooks/videos
I do a lot of studying and conceptualizing, I realize. It's the daydreamer and organizer in me. The whole executing of plans is not my strongest suit. Hell, I don't know that I wear it that often. Something I'm gonna have to work on. This particular activity combines my love of photography, storytelling and music. Again, this is one activity for which I don't make enough time. Instead, what little time I have, I spend getting inspired. I've found great inspiration online and I admire the work my brothers and cousins have created.

I'm grateful for this exercise as it's shown me that I need to inject more "for fun" things into my schedule and work on a few things. It's not that I don't have time, I just have to manage my time better and change up priorities. I challenge you to make a list of your own and maybe you'll find inspiratin to inject more "for fun" stuff in your life.

Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D - Review

Remember those flimsy cardboard glasses with the blue and red cellophane that were supposed to help us watch movies “come alive” in 3-D? They never worked for me. Maybe it was my prescription glasses, and the fact that the paper lenses never fit quite right? My first experience with 3D glasses before this century were those given away for free via the newspaper or grocery store to watch Jaws on TV in the late 70s. I remember my older brother and I sitting expectantly in front of our television set and waiting for the shark to lunge out at us. I didn’t get it. Were those red and blue lines around Jaws supposed to disappear? Eh. Not impressed.

Fortunately, I didn’t have to wait too long for improved glasses and technology. Enter Disneyland, Michael Jackson and Captain EO in 1983 and 3D started making more sense. I was duly impressed, no purple haze and things did fly off the screen. We couldn’t keep the plastic glasses, though. But improvements came slower after the 80s, and it was only last year that I watched something that impressed me more, and hey! it was from Disney again! I have to admit, some of my pleasure with the movie was the fact that I didn’t have to travel to some themepark to watch it. Oh, and the glasses to watch “Meet the Robinsons” were cooler. Like shades. Still an awkward fit over my glasses, but at least we got to keep them.

I added to my collection of 3D glasses this week, again courtesy of Disney. The glasses were similar to those from “Meet the Robinsons” but maybe a little cooler, a little better constructed. I just wish I could say the same about the movie, “Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D.”

Brendan Fraser of “The Mummy” fame plays Trevor Anderson, a scientist professor whose theories on ..okay, I don’t remember. I could cheat and look it up on IMDB, maybe do some research, but really, you just want to know if this movie is good, right? It’s good. It’s enjoyable. But you have to watch it in 3D. Otherwise, there’s really no point. The special effects are what make this movie interesting.

Trevor finds himself playing substitute dad for the weekend to his nephew, Sean, played by teen star Josh Hutcherson, who is no stranger to adventure movies geared towards kids having starred in Bridge to Terabithia and Zathura, to name a few. Sean’s dad, and Trevor’s brother, Max, disappeared more than 10 years ago on an expedition and no one ever knew why. They just knew Max was a “Verne-ian” a believer of the incredible tale of Jules Verne’s novel, Journey to the Center of the Earth. Trevor and Sean discover notes in Max’s old copy of the book that allow them to trace Max’s steps to Iceland. Together, with pretty mountain guide, Hannah, played by slight, but capable Anita Briem, they embark on a fantastic adventure that takes them deep beneath the Earth’s surface.

Josh Hutcherson gives a dependable performance of a sullen, reluctant teenager who secretly wishes to know more about his father. As this is his directorial debut, Eric Brevig, may be forgiven for letting Brendan Fraser channel more of the goofy George of the Jungle character than the more in control Rick O’Connell of the Mummy. I just remember thinking, “Did he forget how to use his ‘inside’ voice?” towards the end of the film. Granted, they were careening through the center of the Earth through most of the movie, but still. Maybe kids who like yelling at the top of their lungs can relate. Me, I was always the quiet kid with her nose in a book.

Brought to you by the geniuses behind the digital effects of such movies as The Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and The Day After Tomorrow, Journey to the Center of the Earth is unique and groundbreaking as a movie that overwhelms yet still somehow disappoints. It is an epic adventure. For kids. Because they can suspend their disbelief better than adults and just be awed by the spectacular effects and enjoy the wild ride. As the first live-action feature film to be shot and released entirely in 3D, Journey to the Center of the Earth is an ambitious effort that dazzles and entertains just enough to keep an adult interested, and maybe just enough to keep a child enthralled. If nothing else, this may encourage kids to read the novel. If nothing else, this movie may get you excited for the future of 3D live-action feature films. If nothing else, you get a cool pair of 3D shades.

21 Days of Gratitude: Day 15

Fourth of July this year was relaxing and way fun. I honestly don't remember what we did last year, if we did anything at all. Gareth and I watched fireworks the night before, which makes a lot more sense to me. Fortunately, this year July 4 fell on a Friday, but in years when it fell during the middle of the week, I always thought the late night fireworks should be done the night before since there's no work the next day. Kind of like New Year's Eve. I think there should be 4th of July Eve. Or make the day off July 5th rather than July 4th, since most people celebrate in the evening. Anyway, I digress.

My parents organized another gathering at the park, and like the picnic for Memorial Day, Gareth and I were responsible for the games. Water balloons were a big hit last time, so we loaded up again. We played the balloon toss game where you partner up then toss the ball then step back and get further and further apart with each toss. It's a silly but thrilling game because each toss could be the last and you could be a wet loser.

I love spending time with my nieces and nephews, and this post is about them, and how grateful I am to have them in my life. We had my brothers' kids, Jaylen, Jonah, Andrew and Aubrey and we had my cousin's girls Alexis and Nikka. Aubrey's my little princess, but I have a soft spot for all my nieces. At two years old, Aubrey still says too little, would rather point or have me guess what she wants. But she can sure let her frustration be known. When we were playing with bubbles and some of the bubble soap dripped on her hand, she muttered, "Dammit." I tried not to smile when I reprimanded her, but it was hard.

I had fun talking with Alexis and Nikka who've moved on (for now) from the Harry Potter series to the Twilight series. However, Harry Potter still made its way into the conversation when we sighed about how the boy who played Cedric Diggory in HP plays Edward. Jaylen contributed to our conversation by belching his way through his ABCs on a dare.

I learned with every generation, the opportunity to laugh at parents is a great bonding experience. Grace, Nikka's mom and Alexis' stepmom, saw us eating Gobstoppers and pounced on them, "Ooh! Gobstoppers! Is it gums?" That's almost as good as my mom offering us pistachio nuts by saying, "Here hab some pitashios!"

We didn't have as many nieces and nephews gathered this time as we did on Memorial Day but we still had tons of fun. Unfortunately we didn't have any cameras for this holiday (Doh!) but we were in the same exact spot and most of the kids we got to play with on the 4th are in this pic, except for Alexis who was traded for brother Maize for the rest of the summer.

For the amusement they bring, the opportunity to wonder at the world through their eyes and for the love they share, I am so grateful for these kids, and so proud to be their Tita Em.

Nostalgic for the 90s

Remember this group? Mark, my little brother, introduced Kai to me and hearing this song has made me feel nostalgic. For what, I don't know. The early 90s were a pretty carefree time for me. Maybe that's what I'm reminded of. Kai was the 2nd Filipino act signed by a major label, after Jocelyn Enriquez. Too bad they've broken up and gone their own way. Two members teamed up with Sway from American Idol and a member of Innerlude to form "6th Day" but it's a different sound. Anyway, thought some of you who liked them might enjoy hearing this.

Boypren

source: HappySlip

Someone in HappySlip's world has a boyfriend! Thanks to KevJUMBA! Song - "Save Me" by Josh Verdes. Music arranged by Ken Rivers.

I love HappySlip.... Christine's just awesome for her willingness to make herself look silly to emulate her relatives.

Visit her website and watch some other podcasts. "Exposed" cracked me up.

"Bah-tel...bah-tell star gah-lak-tee-ka."

21 Days of Gratitude: Day 14

Today should actually be Day 18, but my blogs for Day 14, 15, 16 & 17 didn't go through when I keyed them in from my Instinct. I don't think there's anything wrong with the cell phone, I may have just closed the browser before my blogs finished posting. Anyway, thank you to Mark for pointing out to me that my blog hasn't been updated since Day 13.

So... when I shared my dilemma with a coworker about trying to develop a habit by doing something for 21 days, he pointed out that maybe it doesn't have to be 21 consecutive days. I argued, "Well, maybe not. But what's the point if you do it only every few days or so?" He said, "Well, at least you do it. You do it regularly enough, it becomes a habit, whether it's a daily habit or a weekly habit."

Eh. Okay. I'll buy that argument. I don't have a better one.

Anyway, I've got TONS to be grateful for. The next few posts may be an amalgamation of the last few days, but I'll make it the 14th day of my writing, and hopefully this will post with no problem. This just means I'll have a few more than 21 posts altogether, which I don't mind. I'm grateful that this habit has given me inspiration to write more even though finding time to remains a challenge.

Today, Thursday the 3rd, we made a lovely young couple very happy by letting them have Avril and Dandelion, our silver and orange tabby kittens. A part of my heart is sad because we've split up the remaining three siblings. But when I met Julie and her boyfriend, I was comforted that they were both very thrilled and excited to take Avril and Dandelion into their arms. I felt assured the two kittens were going to a good home.

I felt bad for the remaining kitten later when I saw her running from corner to corner, peering under tables and behind couches and meowing, looking for her playmates. Now she's glued to her mom, Autumn. We're hoping by keeping this kitten, the calico in my profile picture, then Autumn will be more assertive with the other cats and won't cower and hide like she used to. We all know there's nothing more ferocious then a mama protecting her child. Well... I know in theory, not in practice.

I seem to grow more and more reflective on my birthdays each year and it takes a while for me to get out of a thoughtful funk. Birthdays make me think back on the past year, so I've been thinking heavily on everything that's transpired since I turned 35 last year. It's something inherent to birthdays, much like the New Year. To move forward, you have to look back. Year 36 was a tough one, equally full of triumphs, disappointments, joys and heartaches. To actually say I'm 36 years old is difficult because that number doesn't match how young I still feel. I don't begrudge getting older. I've loved being in my 30s. I feel I know myself better and better every year. What I'm learning is there's a big difference though between knowing and accepting. I guess that's on my "To Do" list for year 37 along with the things I didn't get to check-off from year 36.

The last couple of days have been tough for a variety of reasons. I've been thinking a lot about my grandmother as the 1st anniversary of her passing is approaching. All of a sudden, I remember more of what I was doing a year ago on certain days. One year ago I was still figuring my way around my new office and my new job duties. I was just finding an alternative way to make my commute cheaper and easier and still spending 3 nights a week with my grandmother.

I was still able to have late night conversations with Nanay (we never called her Lola, even though that's Tagalog for grandmother. We called her what her children called her). Nanay was still very observant even though she didn't talk much anymore. She could see I was weary on the nights I came over to spend the night, even if I tried to hide it from her. It was extremely tiring to do an hour commute to and from work, spend a couple of hours at home with Gareth then leave at 9pm to spend the night with her.

On one of those nights, the night of my 35th birthday, I was practicing my Tagalog and asked, "Palagay niyo ba Nanay magkakaroon pa kami ni Gareth ng baby?" (Do you think, Nanay, Gareth and I will ever have a baby?) Her answer, slow but determined, was, "Alam ko nahihirapan ka. Alam ko napapagod dahil kailangan ko ang tulong mo. Kaya't wala na kayong horas gumawa ng baby." (I know you're having a hard time. I know you're tired because I need your help. That's why you have no time to make a baby.) We both started giggling before quieting and getting lost in our own thoughts.

Nanay broke the silence with, "Palagay ko, oo. Bahala nalang ang Diyos sa ating dalawa."

She said, "I think, yes." The second part is harder to translate word for word. "Bahala na" is a Filipino value that loosely translates into "Whatever will be, will be." Paired with "ang Diyos sa ating dalawa" it essentially means "God will take care of us both."

Nanay passed away less than a month later. The circle of life in our family spins without hesitation. After a member of our first generation passes, a new member arrives. After our other Nanay, my father's mother, passed away, we were blessed with Nissa, Shenna's daughter. When my cousin's grandmother passed away, her daughter Nikka was born later that year. Jonah, my nephew, brought great comfort to my father when he was born three months after Tatay passed away.

This year my cousin Genesis and his wife will add a baby boy to the small circle on my mom's side. He will be the first boy born on my mom's side since Genesis' and Joseph's youngest brother, Jeremiah, was born. I find it poignant that he's due in September, the month we lost Genesis' mother, five years ago. To create joy where there was sorrow. That's coming full circle.

Maybe it'll be my turn one day. Maybe not. I will be a mother one day. Maybe biologically. Maybe not. Regardless, I'm thankful for being witness to the circle of life that continues to revolve strongly and unchallenged. Like Nanay said, "Bahala nalang ang Diyos."