As I say goodbye to 2006, I'm filled with a sense of sadness as well as excitement. The end of a year always brings some wistfulness as I close chapters, but I'm also overwhelmed with eagerness for what the new year will bring. I try to live life without regrets, and to think of all choices and challenges as learning experiences. But there will always be moments I would like back again, not so much to do things differently, but cherish that moment just a bit more.
As I look back, so much of this year has passed in a blur, even though I remember some days & weeks dragging by slowly as I waited for some major event. At first glance, it doesn't seem much has changed since January 1, but actually, I'm living in a whole new world, full of pluses and minuses. In chronological order, I added to my life a chihuahua named Mahal, a sister-in-law named Laura, lost my grandfather, Juanito, and added my new nephew, Jonah. I subracted a job I didn't like in hopes of adding one that I do like. I added college to my schedule and subtracted a hobby business in exchange and willingly added personal challenges for the chance of what could be and subtracted the simple acceptance of what is.
This year has also been an eye-opener of personal revelations, things not necessarily revealed to anyone else but me. I'm not a religious person, I haven't seen the inside of a church in many moons, yet my faith grows stronger every year. I truly believe that God never gives you more than you can handle. I feel like I'm carrying a truckload of burdens, but yet, I'm not worried. I have to thank my husband for that. It's because of him that I'm eager for the future. I've learned that marriage is a balancing act, spinning multiple plates, many of which Gareth and I have broken, a few spun too softly in contentment, a few spun too hard in anger, and a few not spun at all in ambivalence. There will always be plenty of plates to spin, but as years go by, I believe my husband and I will only get better at keeping them spinning.
I don't like making resolutions because they have this inherent quality of being unattainable. Maybe it's just semantics, but instead, I challenge myself to form new habits. New habits that will help me dedicate more time to writing, be more organized and follow through on goals I've set, even if I set them 2 or 3 years ago. My mom forwarded me an email, one I've read before but as things tend to do around this time of year, its meaning resonated with me more this time around:
Dream what you want to dream;
Go where you want to go;
Be what you want to be,
Because you have only one life
And one chance to do all the things
You want to do.
I may have to remind her of this email when I do something beyond the norm next year. Because if there's anything I can guarantee, it's that 2007 will not be anything like 2006. So, 2007. Here I come.